She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
