So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
