I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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