They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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