i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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