and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
