roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize