I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
