They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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