she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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