so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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