They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
