we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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