stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize