Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
