I faked an abortion last night.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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