I am puke
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
