you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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