I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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