You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
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