my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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