Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
