ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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