i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
