went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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