i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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