Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
