yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize