You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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