Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
