the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
