Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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