Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
