I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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