I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a hot homeless man
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
