literally had 100 drinks last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
