you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
