The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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