It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
