so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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