omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
