Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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