It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
