Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize