Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's never too late to be topless.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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