Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
