M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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