The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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