His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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