If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Randomize
