omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
