She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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