I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
