Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
