we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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