im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
