Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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