i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
