there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize