ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
