"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
