there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
