i think i have two assholes
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
