his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think people are normalizing furries
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
