I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize