if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize