Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
