Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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