how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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