They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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