is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
