just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
