I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
