mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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